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Hermes

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        Zeus and Maia had a private relationship. Maia would stay in her cave and not go out in public with Zeus, no matter what form he took, knowing that Hera could see through any of it. Because of this, Maia lived a happy life and was soon expecting their first child. For months until Maia gave birth, Zeus avoided her, not wanting to have to deal with taking care of children. But Maia was very understanding, knowing that Zeus could not be argued with, and gave birth by herself.

 

        The new child’s name was Hermes, and Maia loved him. Every night, she would sing Hermes to sleep and, having nothing else to do, she would herself fall asleep. 

 

        One of these nights, Hermes awoke and glanced at his mother to see if she was asleep. The toddler, having aged within seconds of birth, waddled to the cave entrance, stretching his arms and yawning, ready for an adventure.

 

        Taking a step, he heard a crunch and looked down. At his feet lay the crumpled form of a tortoise, now dead. Hermes began to cry but took its shell and began lacing its sinews across it, creating the first lyre. 

 

        On the horizon, Hermes spotted something bright red spread across the field. 

 

        “Ah yes,” Hermes muttered to himself. “The sacred cattle of Apollo. How great a meal it would be.”

 

        Walking on his little toddler legs, he reached the field in an hour. 

 

        “Wow,” he marveled, staring at the hundreds of cows sprawled before him. 

 

        Rounding up about 50, he started to walk back to his cave and then stopped. 

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        “Apollo will know where the cows have gone if I leave their footprints in the sand. I must hide them,” Hermes thought to himself, and then he thought of a plan. “If I tie palm leaves to their tails, their hoof prints will be wiped away by the sweeping of their tails as they walk. As for me, I can disguise my own footprints with this tree bark to make it seem like an older man’s.”

 

        Satisfied with his plan, he marched back toward his cave, the sun now starting to rise. On the way, he met a farmer named Battus preparing to start his day. Battus gawked at the sight of this toddler and his parade of cows. 

 

        “If anyone asks, I was never here!” Hermes called out to the farmer. “Here. Take one of these cows and please keep your mouth shut.”

 

        Battus agreed and watched in awe as 50 cows roamed past his hut.

 

        Later, Apollo went down to see his cows, which was one of his favorite things to do every morning. He was surprised to find 50 of them missing. Were they lost? Had they wandered off? He looked everywhere, and eventually he found Battus.

 

        “Old man!” Apollo cried. “Have you seen 50 cows walk by here by any chance?”

 

        “I… I…” Battus stammered.

 

        Sensing his fear, Apollo added, “I am a god and lying to me would not be wise.”

 

        Battus quickly told Apollo the whole story, relieved to have the burden lifted off his chest. 

 

        Apollo flew over to Maia’s cave, knowing of only one newborn capable of such a feat. 

 

        “Maia!” Apollo called into the cave. “May I see your son for a moment?”

 

        “Of course,” Maia said, as she carried Hermes to the entrance of the cave.

 

        Apollo talked quietly with Hermes in his mother’s arms. Maia noticed that Hermes’s belly looked full and he felt heavier than usual, but she brushed it off as pure growth and nothing out of the ordinary. 

 

        “Zeus would like to see the child,” Apollo said to Maia.

 

        “Of course, Lord Apollo,” Maia replied, and just like that, Hermes was gone.

 

        At Zeus’s cave, Apollo roared, “This kid stole my cows! He must be punished.”

 

        “He’s just a child,” Zeus countered. “How could he be capable of such a thing?”

 

        “I didn’t even know you had cows,” Hermes squeaked innocently. “And besides, where would I hide 50 cows?”

 

        “Aha!” Apollo cried, “I never said there were 50! You’re coming with me!”

 

        “Well, you two work out an agreement,” Zeus ordered. “And Hermes, give Apollo back his cattle.”

 

        As the two flew around Greece, Hermes stalled for time. Taking the longest possible route to the cave where the cattle lay, Hermes came up with another plan. Hermes took out his tortoise shell and began to play a sad song, bringing tears to Apollo’s eyes and freezing him in the air mid-flight.

 

        “What is that?” Apollo demanded.

 

        “Oh, it’s just something I invented,” Hermes chuckled.

 

        “I must have it,” Apollo demanded. “I am the god of music and such a thing must be mine.”

 

        “But I am going to be punished,” Hermes reasoned, “and I will need something to cheer me up afterwards.”

 

        “No… No, forget it,” Apollo stammered. “No, I won’t punish you. As a matter of fact, I will gift you a magic staff, flying shoes, and the sharpest sword. And I’ll let you keep the cattle. Just give me that instrument.”

 

        Hermes chuckled to himself at the ease at which he could scam Apollo, but he agreed and was returned to Maia. 

 

        Later that night, Hermes snuck out once again but this time to punish Battus by turning him into a column of stone.